The Challenge
by greenlicious
Summary: REMASTERED- Gai's simple challenge to Kakashi takes a turn no one could have guessed. Did I just see Tsunade naked?


The Challenge- REMASTERED! A collaboration between two college roommates and best friends, The Challenge showcases ridiculousness at its finest. The first of many stories to be authored by the duo, The Challenge allowed the girls to come up with a scenario depicting the eternal rivals at their most hilarious. Though highly entertaining, many Naruto connoisseurs will find that this work of fiction is very out of character. When reading this fanfic, please keep in mind that when combined, these authors' imaginations can take you for a wild ride that will make the reader question "Did I just read that?" Enjoy.

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><p>Striding confidently through the crowd of civilians, Maito Gai -eyes ablaze with youthful determination-spotted his eternal rival. With no hesitation, since hesitation was a sign of old age, Gai juvenescently maneuvered around the mayhem that was the market place.<p>

Voice booming with youthful exuberance Gai called to the man with the flyaway silver hair lounging against a nearby wall with other jounin. "Kakashi, my super cool adversary!"

Upon hearing his name spoken through the lips of the man he would rather not be associated with in public, Kakashi began surreptitiously searching for easily accessible escape routes. Enjoying the warm, sunny weather while in the presence of friends and porn was preferable to all the curious and baffled stares he would receive while in the company of the village oddball. Kakashi disliked unnecessary attention, especially the eyebrow raising variety.

Unfortunately for Kakashi, a day without an outrageous challenge from Gai was close to nonexistent.

Amused smiles lit the faces of Asuma and Kurenai, companions of the shinobi desperately attempting to remain in his casual slouch instead of the battle-ready pose he had adopted. Many years of fighting side-by-side as comrades in battle had tuned Asuma in to the intricate inner workings of his masked friend. Guessing at his intent, Asuma took a long drag from his ever-present cigarette and with a mischievous gleam in his eye, quickly slung an arm across Kakashi's shoulders, effectively preventing him from escaping. Any confrontation with Gai was bound to be entertaining.

Kakashi cast a pleading glance toward Kurenai before finally accepting what he considered torture far worse than receiving a kunai in his left buttock.

Oblivious to Kakashi's attempts at escape, Gai enthusiastically closed the distance between himself and his eternal rival. With joy radiating from every pore, Gai stopped in front of his fellow jounin, giving an over-exaggerated thumbs up toward Asuma and Kurenai then gracefully twirled to face Kakashi. "On this glorious day in the springtime of our youth, I, the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha, have concocted a challenge that will determine which of us is the Master of the Arts!" proclaimed Gai.

Kakashi, in order to maintain his reputation as lazy pervert, ducked under Asuma's arm, whipped out his green covered porn novel and began to read. With nose buried in Makeout Tactics, Kakashi greeted Gai with his customary monosyllabic "Yo."

Kurenai and Asuma shielded their eyes as Gai all too commonly flashed his gleaming smile. Gai replied "Ahhh Kakashi! You are the essence of youth! However with this challenge, our body, mind and soul will be put to the test. By the extreme art of topiary, the finest qualities of our manhood will be demonstrated!"

Deeply engrossed in Make-out Tactics, Kakashi belatedly looked up and awkwardly rubbed the back of head. "Sorry Gai, what did you say?"

Once again, the unique power of porn had successfully drowned out the incessant ramblings of the green-clad ninja.

Gai's natural glow dimmed somewhat but recovered with the realization that he could now state the rules for his Super Manly Topiary Art Challenge. "For this challenge Kakashi, you and I must construct exact replicas of our supremely voluptuous Hokage using only kunai thrown at a distance of 100 feet!"

In mild shock, Asuma turned to Kurenai and muttered under his breath, "Did Gai just refer to Tsunade as _'supremely voluptuous'_?"

Chuckling, Kurenai answered "Well, they _are_ pretty big, even Naruto, the number one knuckle-headed ninja, notices her massive breasts!"

Realizing that the conversation was no longer on topic, Gai turned to Kakashi striking his nice-guy pose and finalized his plans. "Meet at the training grounds at 1800 hours for our youthful display of topiary genius! Beware Kakashi, I will show no mercy. Feel free to bring your students so that they may witness the gloriousness of our eternal rivalry!"

Knowing Kakashi would try to use an excuse to abandon the challenge, Gai immediately turned and weaved through the crowd with such agility that would make Akamaru jealous.

With a sympathetic grin, Asuma slapped Kakashi on the back, "Good luck man, sounds like you need to see Jiraiya to get some measurements if you know what I mean."

SMACK! Asuma rubbed his assaulted cheek with a bewildered expression. "What was that for Kurenai!" Asuma demanded.

"You shouldn't talk about a woman, especially our Hokage, in such a disrespectful way!" Kurenai replied with hands on hips in mock anger, a smile twitching at her lips.

Asuma, missing the joke, pouted at Kurenai "But you were just talking about her massive chest like five minutes ago!"

Turning to Kakashi who was seemingly oblivious to the budding argument with his masked nose buried in Makeout Tactics, Asuma lit another cigarette rolled his eyes and complained, "Women!"

As if the whole encounter with Gai never happened, Kakashi looked up from his porn novel, glanced at the sun's position and casually stated "Maa, I have to meet my team for training."

Kakashi slowly removed himself from his slouched position against the wall and reluctantly faced his friends. In a nagging tone, Kurenai exclaimed, "You haven't met with your team yet! I thought your scheduled training period was four hours ago!"

With a smile only seen by the curve of his eye Kakashi replied, "They don't mind waiting! A good shinobi must have patience!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I AM PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL DOWN THERE!" "I'm just saying, that with something so small there could be problems with performance."

As the endless bickering between Naruto and Sai raged on, Sakura and Yamato sat beneath the cool shade of a large tree in Training Ground 3. Before Sakura could get a chance to complain to Yamato yet again about her missing sensei, Kakashi poofed into view. As if on cue, Naruto and Sakura shouted "YOU'RE LATE KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

With porn still in hand, Kakashi glanced around himself in mock confusion and rubbed the back of his head guiltily. "Maa I was walking down the path of life when an odd man in a green unitard stopped and challenged me to a plant trimming contest," Kakashi explained seriously.

Disbelief was written on the faces of each of his teammates. "That is the lamest excuse yet Kakashi-sensei" Naruto complained.

Suddenly, like when receiving a message through his wood clones, Yamato placed his hand to his ear to listen. "Sempai is telling the truth, I heard it though the grape vine…literally! Apparently Gai-san has issued Kakashi-sempai another challenge. This contest has the participants cut a bush to look like our Hokage-sama." Disbelieving stares were thrown in Yamato's direction with this bizarre piece of information.

Absorbed in Makeout Tactics, Kakashi was oblivious to the conversation between his teammates. "Umm Kakashi-sensei, are you going to accept Gai's challenge?" Sakura questioned. Awkward silence hung in the air. With pulsing vein on her billboard-like brow, Sakura roared "KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

Looking up from his porn and blinking owlishly Kakashi scratched the back of his head and said "What is it Sakura-chan?"

Before Sakura could reply Naruto, hands on hips with face scrunched up in curiosity asked, "Kakashi-sensei, are you going to accept the challenge with bushy-brows sensei?"

"Of course not Naruto-kun, I would hate to crush Gai's youthfulness when I defeat him at his own ridiculous challenge" Kakashi explained, eye creased and mask crinkled in what could be considered by some as a smile.

With mischievous glint in his eye, Yamato teased "Oh come on sempai, you're not afraid of a challenge from your archrival are you?"

Just then, a rouge cloud drifted in front of the sun casting a shadow over Team 7. At that exact moment, Yamato whipped out his flashlight. With the beam pointed from beneath his chin and eyes wide to maximize the scariness effect, Yamato commanded Kakashi saying, "Accept the challenge sempai!"

As the cloud floated past the sun bathing Team 7 in the warm sunshine once again, Kakashi blinked stoically trying hard not to shudder at his subordinates decidedly freaky behavior and said "Ahh fine."

From behind Sakura, still trembling from Yamato's frightening display of persuasive power, Naruto pumped his fist in the air and shouted "I'M TELLING PERVY SAGE YOU'RE GUNNA CARVE THE OLD LADY OUT OF A BUSH!"

Sakura, looking mildly displeased stated, "I should inform shishou about this."

-_10 minutes later_-

Steam rose from the natural hot springs at the bathhouse, conveniently clouding the naked giggling women. Peeping through a hole in the fencing meant to protect privacy, Jiraiya sat taking notes and occasional sketches while desperately trying to maintain the two gushing geysers of blood spouting out of his nose.

Jiraiya was currently working on the next installment of his Makeout series, Makeout Battlefield and he had to spend quality time researching his favorite topic. With binoculars in hand, Jiraiya was delicately appraising one girl's assets when he heard an all too familiar voice yell behind him. Never one for subtlety (the kid wore orange for crying out loud) Naruto shouted, "ERO SENIN!"

Jiraiya, with his cover now blown and the bathhouse empty of all his female models, glared at Naruto as he rose from his crouched position. "Naruto, how many times do I have to tell you never to call me that in public!" Jiraiya lectured at his troublesome student.

"But Ero Senin, I have something very important to tell you! It's about bushy-brows sensei doin' the old lady!" Jiraiya instantly paled, the very thought of Tsunade with a man other than himself was sickening let alone having that other man be Gai.

The shocked disbelief he initially felt quickly turned to an annoyed rage and with a frightening glare Jiraiya growled, "I've been after that stubborn woman for 35 years and she settles for that youth-spouting, green spandex-wearing, pansy of a jounin!"

Naruto, unaware of the misunderstanding, excitedly stated, "Let's go watch!" With face red with rage Jiraiya growled, "Oh, I'll do more than just watch. Lead the way."

-_Meanwhile_-

Worried about how her temperamental shishou would take the news, Sakura quickly walked toward the Hokage Tower. Unfortunately Sakura entered Tsunade's office to find the Hokage in a drunken fit while loyal Shizune attempted to calm her master down.

"Wherezzz heee! Tellum come heeere noww!" Tsunade slurred as she stumbled around her office, fearsome fists flying.

Sakura cautiously approached the raging Hokage and nervously began to speak. "Shishou, I thought I should warn you that Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei are going to use you as a model for their topiary art contest."

Tsunade immediately sobered and turned toward Sakura after hearing the words "you", "model" and "contest" together in the same sentence.

"Finally! It took 35 years for someone to notice the hard work it takes to keep up my youthful appearance! So Sakura, tell me the details. I wanna know who my competition is. Don't tell me its Mitarashi. Men have been drooling over her ever since Orochimaru left!"

Sakura, head still spinning with her teacher's about-face said, "Um, actually it's Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei."

"WHAT! I'm competing against men! What kind of contest is this? Don't tell me it's a swimsuit competition, I haven't put a thong on in years!"

Horrified expressions donned the faces of both Shizune and Sakura as the unwanted mental image crept into their heads.

-_Meanwhile_-

In a secluded section of the teahouse, Kakashi sat with Yamato and Sai silently regretting the day he ever met Maito Gai. While Kakashi and Yamato were staring into their cups of steaming tea, Sai skillfully put the finishing touches on his drawing.

Sliding the sketch face-down across the table toward the masked ninja, Sai calmly stated, "Since you lack the ability to create simple forms of art, I took the liberty of sketching a precise model to help you win the challenge."

Taking the paper in hand, Kakashi flipped it over to reveal a rather accurate depiction of Tsunade…naked. Catching sight of the pornographic picture in Kakashi's hand, blood instantly shot out of Yamato's nose, the force of the flow causing him to fly back in his seat.

Unsurprised with Yamato's reaction, Kakashi was astonished however to find that a drop of blood had seeped though his mask and into his tea. Glancing around to see if his companions had noticed, Kakashi quickly stirred the traitorous evidence into his cup.

Trying to staunch the flow of blood, Yamato turned to Sai and uncharacteristically asked, "How much do you want for that picture?"

-_Meanwhile_-

Happily whistling the Fire Country's national anthem, Gai was examining every shrub in Konoha searching for the two perfect specimens for the Super Manly Topiary Art Challenge. Who knew finding identical bushes would be so hard!

Realizing his efforts were futile, Gai decided to ask Kakashi's subordinate Yamato to grow the shrubbery. Now, where does one find a wood wielding shinobi at a quarter to six in the evening? "A QUARTER TO SIX! Has my friend time deceived me? The challenge is to start in 15 minutes and I have failed to find the shrubs for our manly demonstration! There is no time to find Yamato! I have failed to provide for my own challenge! How will I ever face Lee!"

Tears streamed down Gai's cheeks as he realized the extent of his unyouthfulness. Never had Gai been so ashamed of himself, Kakashi will be so disappointed when he realizes the challenge would not take place.

In her eagerness to show off her bodacious body, Tsunade was the first to arrive at the training grounds followed by Shizune and Sakura. Upon seeing her competitor, Tsunade marched over and stuck her face inches from a bewildered Gai. "So you think you can beat me Gai? I'm the only beauty queen around here. You're going down!" Tsunade said as she flaunted her significant assets.

Blushing in embarrassment for their hung-over mistress, Shizune and Sakura could only stand there uncomfortably watching the spectacle take place.

Mouth open in confusion, Gai desperately tried to take a step back but Tsunade would not let any distance come between them. Even preoccupied with an excessively aggressive Hokage, Gai could feel the killing intent minutes before Jiraiya stalked into view with a babbling Naruto beside him.

Jiraiya, catching sight of what appeared to be Tsunade grinding against a flustered Gai, stopped in his tracks to admire the view. Wiping the trickle of blood that seeped form his nostrils, Jiraiya snapped out of his living fantasy and angrily cracked his knuckles. Charging like a mad bull at a red flag, Jiraiya grabbed Tsunade from behind stopping her raunchy display. Gluing himself to the back of her body hands firmly placed on her breasts (they were firmer than he thought they would be), Jiraiya yanked her away from a stupefied Gai.

Addressing the disgustingly green-clad shinobi, Jiraiya growled "Even a socially retarded fool like you should know better than to put the moves on another man's woman!"

A thoroughly flabbergasted Gai stood paralyzed in his spot. Paralysis however, was no issue for Tsunade. Struggling against Jiraiya's strong hold on her chest, Tsunade wildly thrashed about attempting to escape. The force of her chakra-induced flailing caused her shirt to rip apart in Jiraiya's groping hands.

Kakashi surprisingly on time for an appointment strolled toward the training ground following an impatient Yamato and an indifferent Sai. At the edge of the clearing Yamato stopped dead in his tracks, causing Kakashi to collide with his back. Squirting blood rapidly exiting Yamato's nose caused him to fall to the ground pale with blood loss.

Kakashi's view was now undisrupted by his subordinate. What he saw next he had never imagined in his wildest dreams, and he had had some pretty wild dreams. This was way better than any Icha Icha he had ever encountered. Without a thought, Kakashi slipped off his headband to reveal his sharingan to record this rare sight (he just got flashed by the Hokage!)

Kakashi having many times revealed his sharingan eye was now wondering why he felt faint just moments after, until he looked down to see a pool of blood at his feet.

Staring intently at the half naked Hokage, Sai concluded that his sketch was fairly accurate except for the extra roundness of her left breast, which he failed to depict.

In the background for once, Naruto stood unaffected by Tsunade's nakedness. To the contrary he was inspired to create a new technique, Baa-chan Sexy no Jutsu. Boy was the pervy sage gonna like this one!

Shizune and Sakura were utterly dumfounded by the unexpected turn of events. However seeing her teammates witness her shishou's humiliating display, Sakura systematically knocked them out. Perverts!

Crumpled in a heap by her feet was Yamato. With a sigh Sakura bent down to heal her passed-out captain (poor guy never saw it coming). Yamato slowly approached consciousness, groaning and rubbing his head where it violently hit the ground. When Yamato remembered what had happened he blushed brightly making Sakura wonder if he would pass out again.

Witnessing the disruption Tsunade's ginormous jugs brought upon the men of Konoha, Shizune quickly pressed a key pressure point on Jiraiya successfully immobilizing him then attempted to wrangle her master's chest back into her torn shirt. Now that everything was back in order, Shizune turned her glare onto Gai her eyes demanding an explanation.

Gai was disturbed and slightly annoyed that his super manly challenge had been prevented by the events he just witnessed (that was _way_ more of Tsunade he had ever hoped to see in his lifetime). Eager to leave the scene before Jiraiya woke up Gai announced to Kakashi, "Our topiary challenge is now forfeit. Since I have displayed the most manly reaction to a naked woman I declare myself the victor! You Kakashi must wait to prove your manhood. Until next time my eternal rival!" With the swiftness of a hawk, Gai retreated.

In a rage Shizune faced Kakashi and screeched "TOPIARY! This was all about topiary! You should be ashamed of yourselves for involving Lady Tsunade in your childish games!

Unfortunately on the receiving end of the blame, all Kakashi could do was rub the back of his head in mock guilt (he wouldn't have traded that view for all the world). Shizune then grabbed Tsunade and began to lead her back to Hokage Tower (hopefully she will not remember this in the morning).

Disappointed that he had passed out so early in the show, Yamato turned to a silent Sai and whispered, "Do you still have that naked sketch of Tsunade?" Sai turned to retrieve the drawing, and gave it to the eager ANBU.

After hearing the words "naked" "sketch" and "Tsunade" Jiraiya snapped awake. Locating the piece of art in the unworthy hands of Yamato, Jiraiya snatched it away to preserve the purity of the subject. A distraught Yamato reached back for his drawing and declared "That's mine, get your own!"

Unwilling to give up such an accurate depiction of his favorite woman, Jiraiya tugged the sketch away from Yamato and warned, "Come one step closer and I will not hesitate to use deadly force!"

Rapidly forming his wood element technique, Yamato captured Jiraiya and claimed the picture once again. The fight was on.

Watching grown men battle over something that he will forever possess in his mind, Kakashi smiled underneath his mask and exited the training grounds with a disgusted Sakura, a scheming Naruto and an oblivious Sai in tow.

The deadly skirmish had Jiraiya tightly bound in Yamato's wooden grip while Yamato cautiously tried to avoid the more dangerous spikes of Jiraiya's prickly hair. Feeling a presence, both shinobi turned and saw a bewildered Asuma and Kurenai.

Questioning the strange sight, Kurenai exclaimed, "What is going on, did we miss the challenge?"

Jiraiya and Yamato haltingly tried to explain their unusual positions when Asuma caught sight of the crumpled picture on the ground. "What the he… oh… what's this?" Asuma said as he bent down to retrieve the paper.

Eyes locked on the sketch, Jiraiya and Yamato watched as Asuma pocketed the coveted drawing and chuckled in understanding.

"What was that?" Kurenai asked, wondering what Asuma had picked up. "Just trash" said Asuma, skillfully evading the question asked as he took Kurenai's hand and walked away throwing a wave over his shoulder toward the pathetically perverted shinobi.

As they were heading back into the village Kurenai turned to Asuma and asked, "I wonder who won that challenge? I was really looking forward to seeing Kakashi make a fool of himself."


End file.
